spiralling panorama of insanity.

when i get insane. and you put the camera inside my eyes, this is how i view the world. literally. i think. literally. 

YES I AM INSANE. 

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

those desperate days.

when I suddenly feel the urge of having something that I really want. I really need. I really like. when I imagine myself earning something from the hard work that I did. when I already want to gain experience. when getting out of home is the only thing in my mind. when doing something else would make me happy. when getting busy will make me forget of other things.

those desperate days. when I already want to start living your life. when I want to feel independent. when I want to prove yourself of what I can do. when I already help my loved ones, give them what they want. give myself what I want. when I get excited of looking to things that I like. 

those desperate days. when I don't know what to do. when I don't know what to know. when I don't know what to try. what to discover. what to give. what to hone. what to think. when I think of how to live. 

those desperate days. that always bugs me every single second of my life. 

those desperate days. this day has been one of those. 

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

the "hindi ko maisip naguguluhan ako kaya gagawin ko nalang to" blog post. :)

OO. eto nga lang actually ilalagay ko.

i have been really bad. in everything. it makes me really feel not myself. not because i am a person that always know what's the right thing. that's actually what i want to learn. i never knew what is the right thing, because i've been doing the wrong thing.

pero. there's always space for the errors you've done, and fill with the right and good things.

hindi ko talaga maisip. na ginawa ko yun. na ang lakas ng loob ko, na magsinungaling, na tumakbo, na sabihin na may magagawa ako. pero wala. pag hinarap ko, naduduwag naman ako. takot ako. gagawin ko tas hindi ko kayang harapin ang mga consequences ng ginawa ko. makes me weak. sinira ko lang sarili ko.

naguguluhan ako. sa dapat kong gawin. sa dapat kong isipin. ano bang dapat kong gawin? ano ang dapat kong isipin? ano nga ba? masyado nakong nagrerelax. masyado nakong nag-eenjoy na hindi alamin ang susunod na mangyayari sakin. mahirap din yun. hindi ko na alam. naguguluhan. nalilito ako. frustrated. pressured. di ko alam.

kaya gagawin ko nalang to. sugod na lang ng sugod. bahala na. at least nitry ko. hindi ko na gagawin yung mga dapat hindi gagawin. gusto kong baguhin ang sarili ko. dahan-dahan. hanggang sa mawala ang pakiramdam ko sa sarili ko na mahina ako. na wala akong kwenta. susubukan kong patibayin ang sarili ko. susubukan kong magtiwala sa sarili. susubukan kong umasa sa kung ano man ang mabuti. susubukan kong isipin ang mga bagay na gusto ko. at susubukan kong abutin ang mga ito.

susubukan. susubukan lang. kahit na. pumalpak. susubukan. susubukan at susubukan.

sa ngayon. susubukan kong matulog. magulo na ang isip ko.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

missing UST.

even after graduating from AB, I still get a chance and time and money to go to UST, just to visit my classmates. Just to meet up before going elsewhere, or just missing the school itself. After graduating, it's like I am not yet a graduate, I still feel like a student. People who personally know me might think "parang di ka pa rin grumaduate, nandito ka pa rin sa UST eh."

Yeah. I don't know. Sometimes, when I feel like going out, the first thing that reason that comes to my mind is "punta nalang kaya akong UST, mangangamusta.." But. It won't work anyway. They are busy too, they're students. They might be too busy talking to me. But. Sometimes, I just think of going there because I just want to. A lame reason, but I just really want to.

The oh so majestic Main Building with all its statues and the cross that makes the people think that its the UST Church. And how the sun tries to penetrate its rays behind the building in that afternoon.

Tinoco park. The all-time favorite tambayan. It has been a great place for practicing, copying assignments, releasing all our stresses, laughing it out, spotting and pure chatting with friends and classmates. I love how shady this place is. hahaha.

The Quadri-Park and the Fountain, which is my source of fascination everytime I need to stay in UST for more hours for some reasons. HAHA. and the library, where I quench the heat, and where I was able to update my online accounts. HIHI. I had clanderstines in that library. lol.

The Quadricentennial year of UST. Before leaving the campus, I took this as a remembrance of this lane. where I cross everytime. Sometimes. Get emo. HAHA. not.

Plaza Mayor. Where people wait. Where I watched shows. I performed here too. And. Plaza Mayor. The source of all events. Or. Not. lol.

HAHA. yeah. this made me laugh. Everytime I wait in the Alumni Walkway. What if I am really thirsty? lol. Kidding.

The pathway going home. Yeah. Where dried leaves fall, Where the rain falls, and where the flying cockroaches scare you to death. HAHA. I still want to see my name written in that walls. 

Even when it's already March, Christmas lights are still in for UST. And those blooming and fiery fireflowers were the proof of how hot that day was. Beautiful.

Of course! I will never forget the AB Building and its corridors. Where I said hi to anyone I know. Where I ran, photocopied, wandered, got punished by professors, hid, galabanted, waited, cried, laughed, met friends, had lunch, shouted and so on. HAHA. Yeah. I miss the days sitting in there. 

Well. Maybe. Father Benavidez, including St. Thomas, St. Raymund, and all the other Saints in the campus, had guided me throughout my college years in UST. I always see this whenever I go to class, or I go home. Yeah. Thank you Father, It has been a pleasure studying in the University you founded.

Yeah. Sorry for posting too many pictures. I am not really used to posting pictures while writing a blog. But. I just tried it. And. Uh. To emphasize and show how I am missing UST right now. hihihihi. Pak ang mushy ko.Tama na nga! Langya. Kung tao lang ang UST, kanina pa siguro ako na-gago nito. HAHAHAHAHA!

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

raindrops keep falling in my head.

it has been raining since classes began. i barely saw the sun every morning. which, i kinda loved. since it's not that hot. but. i didn't like it because i can't go out and eat and sight see and take photos or just expose myself to the environment. but. yeah. i still can't.

right now, the sun has already dominated the sky. again. and. yeah. i really think that it will rain again. tomorrow. or whenever, maybe. haha.

so. for the rainy season. here's a video. 

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

BECK.

i don't know.

sobrang mahal ko tong anime show na'to.

i've watched this 2 times. una kong napanood sa hero.

this anime is about a guy, who wanted to learn things he does not know and be proud about it, and to be able to catch up with his childhood crush, who loves rock music. then he tried to listen to rock. and liked it. and then he tried to practice playing the guitar, which give him a lot of opportunities. he was able to play for a band, able to meet other friends, and able to go to America. he was really a music lover, as a matter of fact, he had a good voice, that's why he also became a vocalist, at dahil kailangan din ng bagong kanta ng banda, sinubukan niya ring mag-compose.

pero, bakit beck ang title ng anime? dahil ito yung pangalan ng banda, na galing sa pangalan ng aso ng isa nilang kasama. ang weird nga nung aso, experimental. pinagdugtong-dugtong na ibang parte ng katawan ng ibang aso. haha. oo. ganun ka weird.

anyway. sobrang. lupit ng anime na to. yun. nainspire akong kumanta. lol.

ayun lang. random lang. hihi.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)