i have been thinking...

... of what will happen next. on what lies on my future.

today is holy wednesday. today is my first day after i resigned from my current work.

today i started to think...

i already thought of resigning from my job earlier in january. one of my reasons at that time was i already have enough experience. it's been two years. two eventful years of employment with the company. but the real reason was just because i just don't want to be there anymore. it's not because of my officemates or my bosses. it was because i just got tired of it. the work i did and all those work drama.

i had a family trip on the last week of february. during that time, i was already thinking. should i resign? and what reason should i say? the length of travel time we took to get to our next destination during the six-day vacation is how long i have thought of this decision. it continuously ran into my mind. it made me feel bothered that the only way lose it is to tell my bosses already.

and i did. march 2. i resigned. in between that date and today, i was writing two annual reports as my last projects. i was planning a content plan for a future social media client. i grew tired of it as this approaches. i was even surprised that i was able to finish it.

i have always been a doubter of the way i write. though my editor has always told me that i have a potential and i have been improving... i still think that it's not enough. this has been one of the reasons why i left my job. i felt like i have not been a good writer that my bosses thought i could be. i do think i was improving, but i wasn't improving fast enough. yeah i was able to write reports for huge companies and government agencies. i even created a style guide. but it still feels like i didn't do good. it still feels like... it's nothing.

and then i think of the course i finished. AB Asian Studies. a course that trained me research and academic writing skills. a course that made me have the diplomatic dream. i still feel that i could be an ambassador or a linguist (since i love learning new languages) someday. i think of studying again. of improving the knowledge that i have. this was the reason i told my bosses. i wanted a career change. i wanted to pursue what i finished. but... every time i think of it, i imagine of a long, rough uphill path that i have to climb.

it has been making me feel so confused. these thoughts are making me feel like i should decide now and do it immediately.

i guess i do need a vacation to forget all these thoughts... and know what i really want to do.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)