gnothi seauton

"know thy self."

sometimes, i always think about everything i can do.

my abilities, my skills and talents..

sometimes, naniniwala ako, na hindi ko kayang panindigan ang mga abilidad ko..

nakakainis mang isipin, hindi ko alam kung anu ang kahinaan at lakas ko..

marami akong kayang gawin.

kaya kong kumuha ng mataas na grade. oo, ansarap isipin na meron kang utak na kayang umintindi ng mga leksyon ng mga guro, mga mahihirap na formula na ini-easy easy ko lang, mga essay na kehababa, pero parang dinaanan ko lang at sinisisiw ko pa..
ang problema, hindi ko kayang panindigan ang mga katotohanang ito. wala akong tiyaga, in short, palagi akong tinatamad. nasa akin na yata lahat ng characteristics ng isang tamad. mas gusto kong matulog before mag-aral, magsasayang muna ng oras bago mag-aral, at higit sa lahat, gusto kong minamadali ang lahat, kesa paghandaan ito ng isang linggo o buwan pa. ewan ko, pero, mas kumportable ako sa ganun, kahit na alam kong babagsak ako, ano magagawa ko. fortunately, pumapasa ako, at hindi siya ordinaryong pasado na pasang-awa. pasado na as in like, hindi bababa sa 80 percent yung grade ko. sabi pa tuloy ng mga classmates (a.k.a. friends. haha!), "kung di ka lang siguro crammer, hindi ka lang pasado.."

i know how to sing and dance. oo, marami ng nagsabi sakin na ang ganda daw ng boses ko, na pwede daw akong sumali ng singing contest..pero nung nagtry ako ngayong college, hindi naman totoo yun. there's no worth for trying, yun naman ang sinabi ko sa sarili ko. pero the fact na hindi ka man lamang pumasa sa prelims round, medyo masakit, pero okay lang. nawalan nga lang ako ng confidence. parang ayoko ng magtry ulit, kasi feeling ko ganun ulit yung mangyayari. wala rin kasi akong formal training. marami rin nagsabi na magaling ako sumayaw. pero, minsan kasi sobrang galawgaw ko, and it turns out to be very awkward. gusto ko rin sanang sumali sa UST SDT, kaso wala naman akong alam na stunt, at kulang rin ang confidence ko para sumali.

one more fact i know is that, i know how to write, but i don't know how to use properly. i had tried to join essay-writing contests, but i really didn't work on me. but my writing skills was recognized when i joined a press conference. i won a silver medal o sportswriting. at sa pagkapanalo kung yun, madami na akong nasalihan pang ibang contests. i was able to represent our school in some wrtiting contests. haay. siyempre, hindi naman ako masyadong propesyonal. hindi ako nananalo. pero lagi kong iniisip, ika sa kantang "Just Once" ni James Ingram, "i did my best, but i guess my best wasn't good enough.." hehe.

ewan ko ba. hindi ko alam kung bakit ko to naipost. i guess its time for me to step-up and do what i really need to do.

anyway, till here again friends.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

a house and a home.

i was watching an ETC show titled "Kimora and her Life in the Fab Lane."

and the episode i watched was like finding new house in LA.

she said, "i need a more spacey house, homy house."

and from that, i thought, "a house and a home..."

lagi kong naiisip, ano ba ang pagkakaiba ng bahay sa tahanan?

ano ang importansya nila sa buhay

ang bahay, nilalaman ng bawat kailangan mo sa pang araw-araw na pamumuhay.

ang pinakaprotection mo sa bagyo at ano pa mang unos..

ang tahanan, ang pamilya.

kung wala ang tahanan, walang saysay ang bahay.

minsan tuloy naisip ko, "meron kaya akong bahay at tahanan?"

hindi ko naman sinasabing, wala akong pamilya, pero i dont feel the essence of it. yes, we do have bonding moments, we always have recreational activities that would make us happy, pero parang iba pa rin yuing feeling.

ang bahay ko. kumpleto naman sa lahat ng kailangan ko. malaki pa nga eh. typical house.

pero yung tahanan, parang wala..

hindi ko kasi masabi kung, pamilya kami..although, magkakapatid kami, at galing kami sa sinapupunan ng magulang namin..

lalo pa't ngayon, may mga problema kaming hinaharap..

hindi ko mafeel yung pagkakaisa namin bilang isang pamilya at isang tahanan.

walang saysay ang bahay kung walang tahanan, kung walang pamilya. kung kaya't pahalagahan ang bawat miyembro ng pamilya, upang magkaroon ng saysay ang mga haligi at ilaw ng tahanan.

gusto kong pagpatung-patongin ulit ang mga hollowblocks na nasira, pagkabit-kabitin ang mga bakal na nawarak, ayusin ang mga yero't kahoy na nayupi't niluma na.

gusto kong buoin muli ang tahanang dati kong kinagisnan.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa.

~TAPOS~

i need some spark.

im kinda losing my attitude on writing things here on my blog..

the truth is, im having a hard time expressing my opinions..hindi ko alam kung bakit..

nevertheless, im still trying to post everything i need to express..

but it just makes me more confused..

i am really needing that spark, the spark that activates my mind and enlightens my ideas..

a spark that would fire up all my ideas and burst out as my colorful expressions..

hindi ko talaga alam, i guess i need to concentrate with myself first..

hindi naman ako mananahimik, i'd still post, but i guess i need to express my personal feelings, to make things more simple..

and soo, expect my posts to be a little bit mushy and cheesy. haha!

oh well. till here, dear reader.

~END~

survival of the fittest! (the 2day adventure at UPD.) :D

i had chance to support cyrus, who is now a UP student, my former asn2 classmate to enlist and enroll at UP.

enough of the english thing. haha!

nakakahaggard ang enlistment at enrollment sa UP dahil sa mga kadahilanang ito:

- maraming pila: oh yes, we were assisted by luke on the first day, and she was telling me that, every long line i see, as we pass the corridors of the faculty center, "onti pa lang yan, onti lang." konti lang? grabe yun. sobra! pag lumapit ako sa kumpul-kumpol ng mga batang nagsisihumidhing makakuha ng subject sa fc, nafifeel ko yung init na nacocause nila. grabe, buti na lang hindi ako estudyante dun. haha!

- andaming tao: oo, dahil sa mahaba ang pila, edi siyempre, marami rin ang tao. halos lahat nagpapa-enlist, and soo, how busy that day was? sobrang busy! haha! :))

while in UP, i also had a chance to experience how to find subjects for enlistment. kaya ayun, binigyan na ako ng papel at ballpen..dalidali ako sa department of filipino, at ayun, nakita ang listahan ng subjects na pwedeng kunin, kaya naglista nako..

habang abalang-abala ako, meron ding ibang taong gustong makitingin, bukod sakin.

edi siyempre nagsusulat parin ako, hindi nagpapatinag..hanggang..

may isang taong nagtaas ng isang page..

and soo, i gave way, edi andami na nilang kumkopya..nung nawala na yung iba, ganun na naman, pero, binaba naman yung ibang page..

buti na lang, dumating yung mga kasama ko before anything happens. haha!

grabe yun, hanapan pa lang ng subjects, patayan na, eh sa pagpa-enlist pa kaya ng subjects? diba? diba? diba???

the first day ended. and it was really a struggle. unang-una, isa lang ang nakuhang subject ni cyrus, from 8.30am to 1.45pm. salamat kay luke, tinulungan niya kaming makahanap ng paraan.

pangalawa, nangangapa pa xia sa paghahanap, at pangatlo, third day of enlistment na ng panahong iyon, kaya malabo ng makakuha pa xia ng maraming subject..

and soo, few subject :: many students?? tangina. haha!

luckily, nakahanap xia, at pwede na xiang mag-enroll dahil umabot xia sa required number of units!

marami pakong nalaman. yung subjects na kinukuha nila? kailangan GE or general education, hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero, ang alam ganun dapat.

you should have 15-18 units to enroll. if you have less than the required number of units, you'll be underload.

there are 3 kinds of GE's: AH (arts and humanities), SSP( social sciences and philosophy), and MST (math, science and techonolgy).

paikot-ikot kami sa iba't buildings nung first day, sa FC, then KAL. haay, first day was such a hectic day.

second day, was like touring around UP. haha!

nung araw na yun, magpapavalidate na lang si cyrus, and other things. pero ayun. haha!

we went to the gym para sa enlistment ng PE, pero anong ginawa niya?

hindi na lang pala xia kukuha dahil puro conflict sa sched nia ang mga natira.

anong magagawa ko? haha!

onga pala, going back to the UP tour thing, dahil nga, pumunta kami ng gym, we were able to ride the UP ikot jeep.

sa tawag pa lang ng jeep, siyempre, iikot xia sa buong UP. i really loved seeing other buildings, medyo namemorize ko nga yung iba eh. haha!

maaga kaming natapos nung second day, mga 3.30pm..

mag-eenroll na lang xia, and YAY! UP-ista na xia. goodluck. haha!

anyway, random random!:

~:: we ate at katag (kainan at tagpuan) haha! ansarap ng palabok nila! salamat din sa nutrilicious at sa nestea.
~:: to my cellphone, for making me soo happy.
~:: dalawang beses ako nagpaload, para lang makontak si cyrus! takte kasi, yung una hindi dumating, buti yung pangalawa, dumating. wahaha!
~:: nakapagbonding ulit kami ni luke, eating ice cream at ministop, and reminiscing HS days.
~:: to the jap students, and to UP tomo-kai, wala lang, ang astig ng org niyo!
~:: i saw UP pep squad (i think?) practicing a routine at the gym, i was sooo amazed. magaling!
~:: may pwede nakong lipatan sa UP! BA Linguistics! haha! joke lang.
~:: ang ganda ng exhibit sa FC. sobrang astig.
~:: nakita ko yung pangalan ng isa kong friend sa listahan ng university scholars! ang talino niya!
~:: may nakapenpal (or text pal. haha!) ako. haha! tinext yung number ko para lang malaman kung gumagana o hindi, dahil nagreply ako, ibig sabihin gumana! haha!
~:: met other people at UP: neighbor jenine, HS friends mark and jomar, elem friends jenina , jonah and erica.

haay, alam ko naman na kung pano pumunta ng UP eh, at guess what? papasok-pasok lang ako sa loob ng buildings. parang tanga lang! haha!

but it was worth it. sobra. buti na lang sinamahan ko si cyrus. haha!

oh well, till here friends.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

~TAPOS~

my handwriting analysis! :D

yeah, i had an handwriting analysis..

and i really saw my personality.

there were negative and positive things..

Gerrard has difficulty making decisions. His mind changes constantly. He lives in an emotional tug of war. Gerrard could be described like a thermometer. Today warm and friendly, yet tomorrow he may be distant and cold, not wanting to be close to anyone.

Some research indicates that people with a severe variety in the slant of their handwriting have an inability to tolerate sugar and are suffering the side-effects of too much sugar in their diet. If moods swings are a reoccurring issue, investigate the diet.

If Gerrard encounters a situation he cannot handle he frequently pulls into himself. He feels his emotions are secure if he is withdrawn. When he has solved the problem he can be very outgoing and again need other people's companionship. Some see Gerrard as very moody, but it would be more accurate to say he has two complete personalities that he chooses depending on the circumstance. This type of person is often hard to understand because no one knows what personality he is exhibiting today. He may not be bothered by something one minute, then the next minute become upset at the same thing. It is very difficult to pin down Gerrard's emotional expressiveness.

Gerrard doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Gerrard will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it!

Gerrard has a desire for attention. People around Gerrard will notice this need. He may fulfill this need by a variety of ways depending on his own character.

Gerrard can be defiant. He sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way he is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which he thinks are infringing upon his freedom of action.

Diplomacy is one of Gerrard's best attributes. He has the ability to say what others want to hear. He can have tact with others. He has the ability to state things in such a way as to not offend someone else. Gerrard can disagree without being disagreeable.

Gerrard is an analytical thinker. His mind sifts and examines facts. He interprets all facts by separating them, breaking them down, and organizing them from a critical point of view. This pattern of clarifying facts contributes to his strong reasoning ability. Gerrard's mind is constantly analyzing all situations that he encounters.

Gerrard's true self-image is unreasonably low. Someone once told Gerrard that he wasn't a great and beautiful person, and he believed them. Gerrard also has a fear that he might fail if he takes large risks. Therefore he resists setting his goals too high, risking failure. He doesn't have the internal confidence that frees him to take risks and chance failure. Gerrard is capable of accomplishing much more than he is presently achieving. All this relates to his self-esteem. Gerrard's self-concept is artificially low. Gerrard will stay in a bad situation much too long... why? Because he is afraid that if he makes a change, it might get worse. It is hard for Gerrard to plan too far into the future. He kind of takes things on a day to day basis. He may tell you his dreams but he is living in today, with a fear of making a change. No matter how loud he speaks, look at his actions. This is perhaps the biggest single barrier to happiness people not believing in and loving themselves. Gerrard is an example of someone living with a low self-image, because their innate self-confidence was broken.

Something is incomplete in Gerrard's life. He feels frustration relating to his physical needs and desires. Somewhere in his life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Gerrard's sexual needs.

Gerrard exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although he may not intend to deceive or mislead, he blows things way out of proportion because that is the way he views them. He will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of his material world. Gerrard allows many people into his life because he is accepting and trusting. He is sometimes called gullible by his friends. That only really means that he trusts too many people. Gerrard has a vivid imagination.

Gerrard has a very unusual lower zone y loop. If the data input is correct, Gerrard's y or g is large and has triangle shape to the lower loop. This is not a common trait, but the implications are very interesting. As you begin to study handwriting analysis, you will learn any loop indicates imagination. This lower loop indicates the amount of imagination Gerrard has regarding sex and physical things. His lower zone stroke is large, so his sexual imagination is large and open. Furthermore, because the loop has a triangle shape, this indicates a particular curiosity with certain aspects of sexuality. In a nutshell, Gerrard is open to some very new ideas sexually and is willing to try anything once. I'd say Gerrard is quite a dynamic and playful lover. Watch out world!

Gerrard has a very aggressive personality toward others and quite frankly lacks a bit of respect for the space and property of other people. I would be surprised if Gerrard just comes into someone's home and helps himself to a drink in the refrigerator. This can be both an obnoxious personality trait and it can be assertive and effective in getting what you want. There isn't much fear of getting in trouble here, Gerrard finds plenty of reasons to break the rules and get in trouble. (Okay, perhaps when he was younger, not anymore?) Basically, people with no margins are a handful.