after a long rest

hello. it's been years since i did this. it has been 2 years. 2 long years. and here i am again. trying to write something and thinking what should i write.

i guess i am still struggling to know what i really want to do in life. but i guess getting back to blogging would be a little healthy for me. besides, i actually missed doing this. 

well. a lot has happened in the last two years. 

i am still living with my family. i am still seeing my choir friends, sing at sunday masses, hang out with them sometimes. i still play that volleyball app. i still have two phones, both from samsung.

i am still in a government agency. my position is still a language editor. but, i have been doing so much more. as a language editor, i edit and draft inter-office memoranda, indorsements, letters, and activity and project proposals. but at the office where i am assigned, i also prepare administrative and budget plans, prepare presentations, suggest concepts and topics, remind my director of his duties, and so on and so forth. so, that's what i meant with "so much more". but i have been able to handle everything. but i have to admit, i cant do all of them. and that's what makes this job kind of stressful. but of all these things, it's really been a fulfilling feeling when i get to accomplish something and be recognized by the work you've done. so all the stress is paid off. 

but at least i am still able to work. that means i still get paid. and because i get paid, i get to save money. i got savings so i was able to travel. for the last two years, i traveled to places i have never been to before. I got to taste batchoy at iloilo, the sweet mangoes of guimaras, and the authentic chicken inasal of bacolod. i was also able explore marinduque, felt like in greece in thunderbird resorts in la union, see scenic sights in tanay and dingalan, aurora. also enjoyed the hot air balloon festival in Pampanga and spent the holy week exploring laguna. even went to davao, cebu, and general santos city because of work. so yeah. i felt like i have been to a lot places in the last 2 years and it has actually been a blast. 

and lastly, was able to meet new friends last year. met new friends at work when traveling with other offices and from other provinces as well. also, one of my friends invited me to a gay group chat through an application called wechat. met a lot of people and got to be close with them, too.

so. that's what happened in the last two years. yep. a lot of things really happened. a lot of it i didn't even expect. and i don't regret anything that i've done. 

well. i hope this is a start getting back to blogging. i have been thinking of a lot of things to write about recently. and all of the things i have listed for blogging, i still have it on my phone. might post them here when i get the chance to write again.

so. here's to getting into writing and blogging again. 

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

a Chinese proverb

i found this in my notebook where i used to write my research for a part-time and my things-to-do lists for my previous full-time work.

this is the only time i opened my notebook and see this squared note because i already have a new job and i need all the notebooks i need to take in all the things i will learn. i have been getting writing and editing jobs after graduating from college, but it feels like i haven't improved that much. or maybe that's just me being negative. 

it's actually timely that this piece of note is clipped in my notebook. reminding me that in everything i do, i learn something new about life, things, and myself. 

aside from having a new job, i just turned 26 this month. and this is a reminder that i haven't learned a lot of things just yet. i still have a long way to go and only a limited time to absorb every experience. i actually remembered everything that i have done for the past 25 years. i know i have already learned a lot, but there are still a lot of things to see and explore.

as for now, i will keep on taking in what i can take in.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

what i see...

...right now is a dark place. pitch black. nothing.

this was far from what i always see before. i always see how i would get successful through my skills and talents. i have seen myself getting better at playing volleyball and getting invited to play for sports fests. i have seen myself being great in blogging that people would always get interested with the topics i write. i have seen myself be great in photography, managing my own photo exhibits with photos taken through my mobile phones and digital camera. i have seen myself singing in gigs and impressing people with the way i sing.

i have seen myself being great with the work i get involved in. i have seen myself being a communications specialist, a content writer, a researcher, or an employee at the embassy. i always see myself doing good at anything i do at work, learning new things, being friends with my co-workmates and bosses.

i have seen myself traveling the world and living the dream. helping my family in paying finances and improving my life in every way possible.

but now, i see nothing. it felt like every thing that i dreamed of has been erased in my memory and i don't even know what to do now.

but, what i have learned after all this is not to expect, but hope. to hope that, though i won't be able to see all of these dreams come true, one will eventually. it may or may not be soon, just hope that it comes true. i have learned to go with the flow. see other things rather than seeing what i want. take a peek at other things and try.

i guess, for now, i have to turn on the lights so that i know where i am, instead of seeing nothing.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

Light

i have been finding the light that will lead the way. but i haven't found it yet. i don't when i'll find it. i don't even know if i'll find it in the first place.

i have been thinking...

... of what will happen next. on what lies on my future.

today is holy wednesday. today is my first day after i resigned from my current work.

today i started to think...

i already thought of resigning from my job earlier in january. one of my reasons at that time was i already have enough experience. it's been two years. two eventful years of employment with the company. but the real reason was just because i just don't want to be there anymore. it's not because of my officemates or my bosses. it was because i just got tired of it. the work i did and all those work drama.

i had a family trip on the last week of february. during that time, i was already thinking. should i resign? and what reason should i say? the length of travel time we took to get to our next destination during the six-day vacation is how long i have thought of this decision. it continuously ran into my mind. it made me feel bothered that the only way lose it is to tell my bosses already.

and i did. march 2. i resigned. in between that date and today, i was writing two annual reports as my last projects. i was planning a content plan for a future social media client. i grew tired of it as this approaches. i was even surprised that i was able to finish it.

i have always been a doubter of the way i write. though my editor has always told me that i have a potential and i have been improving... i still think that it's not enough. this has been one of the reasons why i left my job. i felt like i have not been a good writer that my bosses thought i could be. i do think i was improving, but i wasn't improving fast enough. yeah i was able to write reports for huge companies and government agencies. i even created a style guide. but it still feels like i didn't do good. it still feels like... it's nothing.

and then i think of the course i finished. AB Asian Studies. a course that trained me research and academic writing skills. a course that made me have the diplomatic dream. i still feel that i could be an ambassador or a linguist (since i love learning new languages) someday. i think of studying again. of improving the knowledge that i have. this was the reason i told my bosses. i wanted a career change. i wanted to pursue what i finished. but... every time i think of it, i imagine of a long, rough uphill path that i have to climb.

it has been making me feel so confused. these thoughts are making me feel like i should decide now and do it immediately.

i guess i do need a vacation to forget all these thoughts... and know what i really want to do.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)