after a long rest

hello. it's been years since i did this. it has been 2 years. 2 long years. and here i am again. trying to write something and thinking what should i write.

i guess i am still struggling to know what i really want to do in life. but i guess getting back to blogging would be a little healthy for me. besides, i actually missed doing this. 

well. a lot has happened in the last two years. 

i am still living with my family. i am still seeing my choir friends, sing at sunday masses, hang out with them sometimes. i still play that volleyball app. i still have two phones, both from samsung.

i am still in a government agency. my position is still a language editor. but, i have been doing so much more. as a language editor, i edit and draft inter-office memoranda, indorsements, letters, and activity and project proposals. but at the office where i am assigned, i also prepare administrative and budget plans, prepare presentations, suggest concepts and topics, remind my director of his duties, and so on and so forth. so, that's what i meant with "so much more". but i have been able to handle everything. but i have to admit, i cant do all of them. and that's what makes this job kind of stressful. but of all these things, it's really been a fulfilling feeling when i get to accomplish something and be recognized by the work you've done. so all the stress is paid off. 

but at least i am still able to work. that means i still get paid. and because i get paid, i get to save money. i got savings so i was able to travel. for the last two years, i traveled to places i have never been to before. I got to taste batchoy at iloilo, the sweet mangoes of guimaras, and the authentic chicken inasal of bacolod. i was also able explore marinduque, felt like in greece in thunderbird resorts in la union, see scenic sights in tanay and dingalan, aurora. also enjoyed the hot air balloon festival in Pampanga and spent the holy week exploring laguna. even went to davao, cebu, and general santos city because of work. so yeah. i felt like i have been to a lot places in the last 2 years and it has actually been a blast. 

and lastly, was able to meet new friends last year. met new friends at work when traveling with other offices and from other provinces as well. also, one of my friends invited me to a gay group chat through an application called wechat. met a lot of people and got to be close with them, too.

so. that's what happened in the last two years. yep. a lot of things really happened. a lot of it i didn't even expect. and i don't regret anything that i've done. 

well. i hope this is a start getting back to blogging. i have been thinking of a lot of things to write about recently. and all of the things i have listed for blogging, i still have it on my phone. might post them here when i get the chance to write again.

so. here's to getting into writing and blogging again. 

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

a Chinese proverb

i found this in my notebook where i used to write my research for a part-time and my things-to-do lists for my previous full-time work.

this is the only time i opened my notebook and see this squared note because i already have a new job and i need all the notebooks i need to take in all the things i will learn. i have been getting writing and editing jobs after graduating from college, but it feels like i haven't improved that much. or maybe that's just me being negative. 

it's actually timely that this piece of note is clipped in my notebook. reminding me that in everything i do, i learn something new about life, things, and myself. 

aside from having a new job, i just turned 26 this month. and this is a reminder that i haven't learned a lot of things just yet. i still have a long way to go and only a limited time to absorb every experience. i actually remembered everything that i have done for the past 25 years. i know i have already learned a lot, but there are still a lot of things to see and explore.

as for now, i will keep on taking in what i can take in.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

what i see...

...right now is a dark place. pitch black. nothing.

this was far from what i always see before. i always see how i would get successful through my skills and talents. i have seen myself getting better at playing volleyball and getting invited to play for sports fests. i have seen myself being great in blogging that people would always get interested with the topics i write. i have seen myself be great in photography, managing my own photo exhibits with photos taken through my mobile phones and digital camera. i have seen myself singing in gigs and impressing people with the way i sing.

i have seen myself being great with the work i get involved in. i have seen myself being a communications specialist, a content writer, a researcher, or an employee at the embassy. i always see myself doing good at anything i do at work, learning new things, being friends with my co-workmates and bosses.

i have seen myself traveling the world and living the dream. helping my family in paying finances and improving my life in every way possible.

but now, i see nothing. it felt like every thing that i dreamed of has been erased in my memory and i don't even know what to do now.

but, what i have learned after all this is not to expect, but hope. to hope that, though i won't be able to see all of these dreams come true, one will eventually. it may or may not be soon, just hope that it comes true. i have learned to go with the flow. see other things rather than seeing what i want. take a peek at other things and try.

i guess, for now, i have to turn on the lights so that i know where i am, instead of seeing nothing.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

Light

i have been finding the light that will lead the way. but i haven't found it yet. i don't when i'll find it. i don't even know if i'll find it in the first place.

i have been thinking...

... of what will happen next. on what lies on my future.

today is holy wednesday. today is my first day after i resigned from my current work.

today i started to think...

i already thought of resigning from my job earlier in january. one of my reasons at that time was i already have enough experience. it's been two years. two eventful years of employment with the company. but the real reason was just because i just don't want to be there anymore. it's not because of my officemates or my bosses. it was because i just got tired of it. the work i did and all those work drama.

i had a family trip on the last week of february. during that time, i was already thinking. should i resign? and what reason should i say? the length of travel time we took to get to our next destination during the six-day vacation is how long i have thought of this decision. it continuously ran into my mind. it made me feel bothered that the only way lose it is to tell my bosses already.

and i did. march 2. i resigned. in between that date and today, i was writing two annual reports as my last projects. i was planning a content plan for a future social media client. i grew tired of it as this approaches. i was even surprised that i was able to finish it.

i have always been a doubter of the way i write. though my editor has always told me that i have a potential and i have been improving... i still think that it's not enough. this has been one of the reasons why i left my job. i felt like i have not been a good writer that my bosses thought i could be. i do think i was improving, but i wasn't improving fast enough. yeah i was able to write reports for huge companies and government agencies. i even created a style guide. but it still feels like i didn't do good. it still feels like... it's nothing.

and then i think of the course i finished. AB Asian Studies. a course that trained me research and academic writing skills. a course that made me have the diplomatic dream. i still feel that i could be an ambassador or a linguist (since i love learning new languages) someday. i think of studying again. of improving the knowledge that i have. this was the reason i told my bosses. i wanted a career change. i wanted to pursue what i finished. but... every time i think of it, i imagine of a long, rough uphill path that i have to climb.

it has been making me feel so confused. these thoughts are making me feel like i should decide now and do it immediately.

i guess i do need a vacation to forget all these thoughts... and know what i really want to do.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

April 1...

... is my last day at my current work. don't know what will happen next, but i hope that it's for the better.

Year 2014 Recap!

it's a new year. so i should start doing this again. it has been a while since i posted something in here. but oh well.

2014 has been a roller coaster ride for me. i experienced good times and also faced a lot of challenges a long the way. so i have decided to do a recap!

January - already working for a year in a communications agency! learned more about FB and twitter, learned how to create FB and Google ads, write articles, write reports about corporate social responsibility and sustainabilty, and ediut articles and publications to create a style guide! yep, it has been a busy year, too.

February - went to Legoland Malaysia and Universal Studios for the first time! i was also able to walk more and see more in SG since the last i went there, i really didn't do much, so this time,we did a lot of things and no regrets.

April - experienced Laboracay for the first time. it was fun and definitely an exciting time. but i don't think i would do that again. maybe. but not soon i guess.

May - was able to see Capones Island in Zambales. it has white sand and wonderful rock formations. one of the places to see when in Zambales.

October - my birth month! turned 25. i am now a silver boy. and have also been thinking of career and life plans. consider this as a quarter-life crisis.

December - Christmas! my favorite season of the year. though this year has been more lax than last year's, it was still nice to receive gifts and sing Christmas carols.

aside from these, i also met new people along the way, and did things for the first time.

i am claiming 2015 to be a better year for me and for everyone as well.

i am also wishing to keep on updating this one. haha!

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

miscommunication

bilang ngayon ang huling araw ng Buwan ng Wika, gusto kong ibahagi sa inyo ang isa kong essay tungkol sa miscommunication. sinulat ko ito nung 3rd Year college bilang isang discussion board entry sa aming Filipino subject. isinulat ko ito noong 2009 pa. Pagkatapos ng limang taon ay nahalukay ko ito sa aking personal email. pagkabasa na pagkabasa ko ay bigla kong naisip, "ako ba talaga nag-sulat nito? parang hindi ako." alam ko na medyo malalim ang miscommunication bilang isang topic. gayunpaman, ipopost ko pa rin ito dito. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Miscommunication. Iyan ang nangyayari sa tuwing ang pag-uusap ng dalawang tao ay wala ng pinatutunguhan at dahil sa hindi na rin magkaintindihan ng mga saloobin ang dalawang tao. Maraming dahilan kung bakit nagkakaroon ng miscommunication, na maaari din nating tawagin na 'communication breakdown.' Ibig sabihin, nangyayari ang miscommunication kung nawawalan na ng katuturan ang pag-uusap. Ilan sa mga kadahilanan nito ay heograpiya o lokasyon.  Halimabawa, kung mag-uusap ang isang Ilocano at isang Bisaya, sila ba ay magkakaintindihan? Ito ay nagpapatunay na meron tayong speech communities na may kanya-kanyang language boundaries. Maaari na rin nating isali ang pagkakaroon ng punto at ang kanyang kinagisnang wika. Nakakaapekto ang punto sa pag-uusap dahil nababago nito ang kahulugan ng isang salita. Tulad ng 'ma;huli' sa 'mahu;li'. Ang unang salita ay nangangahulugang makita ng pulis. Ang ikalawa naman ay nangangahulugang maging dulo ng isang pila. Dahil sa nag-iba ang punto ng isang salita, magkakaroon na kaagad ito ng dalawang kahulugan. Ang halimbawa namang ng kinagisnang wika ay, kung ikaw ay taga-Quezon kaya naman taga-Laguna, magiging iba ang tagalog mo mga taga-Manila. ibig sabihin, merong mga salitang alam ng mga taga-Quezon at taga-Laguna, na hindi alam ng taga-Manila, at bise bersa. Makakaapekto rin ang paggamit ng 'register' at 'idyolek' sa ating pag-uusap. ang register ay isang varayti ng wika na ginagamit ng mga tao sa isang propesyon. Ilan sa mga halimbawa ay ang paggamit ng mga medical terms, at para naman sa aming mag-aaral ng Sining at Panitik, gumagamit kami ng mga terminolohiya na patungkol sa sining, panitik, literatura at pilosopiya. Ang idyolek naman ay isang varayti ng wika kung saan isang indibidwal lamang ang nakakaalam ng kanyang sinasalita. Malaki ang epekto nito sa pag-uusap dahil nakakasira ito ng katuturan. Kasama rin dito ang paggamit ng mga salitang balbal na kahit papaano ay parte rin ng ating wika. Nakakaapekto rin ito ng pag-uusap dahil sanhi ito ng pagbabago ng panahon. Kung kaya't kung nagkakaroon din ng pagbabago sa ating mundo, gayon din ang ating wika. Halimbawa nito ay yosi, dehins, epal, jerjer, at tsibog. Ngayon, umuuso na rin ang gay lingo tulad ng chorva, chenes, eklat, charot, chos, lafang, at iba pa. Makakaapekto ito sa pag-uusap ng dalawang tao, lalo na pag walang kaalaman ang isa sa mga ganitong varyasyon ng wika. Nakakaapekto rin sa pag-uusap kung saang paaralan o pamantasan nanggaling ang isang kausap, pati na rin ang gustong pag-usapan ng isang tao. Sa paaralan, marami rin tayong nakakausap at nakakasalamuha, kung kaya, malaki ang posibilidad na maimpluwensyahan tayo sa pananalita ng mga estudyante sa isang pamantasan. Halimabawa na lamang nito ay ang mga estudyante ng Ateneo at La Salle. Kung ating naoobserbahan, dito sa mga pamantasang ito natin makikita ang mga estudyanteng nagsasalita ng conyo/conyotic. Ito ay isang uri ng code-mixing at code-switching ng Filipino at English. Nakakaapekto rin ang gustong pag-usapan ng mga tao. Magkakaroon ng hindi ayon sa kanilang saloobin at mga ideya kung hindi magkasundo ang kanilang puso't isipan sa pag-uusapan. Dahil sa rason na iyan, maaaring mawalan ng saysay ang pag-uusap. Ang maling pag-intindi sa mga pinagusapan, kaibahan ng kultura, at kawalan ng pokus sa topic ng usapan ay nakakaapekto rin sa pag-uusap ng dalawang tao. Ang maling pagintindi habang nakikipag-usap ay nakakasira ng transisyon ng mga ideya at mga konsepto. Ito ay makakapagbigay ng malaking epekto sa pag-uusap. Gayon din ang kaibahan ng kultura. Halimbawa na lamang nito ay isang Muslim at isang Catholic. Kung sila man ay mag-uusap, ano kaya ang pwede nilang pag-usapan? Malaki ang epekto nito sa pag-uusap dahil sa unang tingin, hindi tugma ang kanilang kultura. Ang kawalan ng pokus sa topic ng usapan, ay halatang mayroong epekto sa pag-uusap. Miscommunication. Iyan ang nangyayari sa tuwing ang pag-uusap ng dalawang tao ay wala ng pinatutunguhan at dahil sa hindi na rin magkaintindihan ng mga saloobin ang dalawang tao. Maaari pa rin nating solusyunan ang miscommunication, kailangan lang natin magtanong, maging bukas sa lahat ng posibilidad ng mangyari ang pangyayaring nagtataglay ng ganitong paroblema, at maging magalang din sa kanyang pagtatanong.

waiting for a sign.

"Lean on to me, don’t ever look back again, no never, ‘cause I’m waiting forever. This is more than a sign, I'm here and you're mine."

I always ask the universe when and where i will meet the right one for me. every time i ask that question, i always think that the universe is always having a hard time answering.

i hope to meet that person soon.

a person. a place.

i want to be with someone. someone who accepts me for who i am. i want to be with someone who is adventurous and has a good sense of humor. someone who can stand up for me and will be by my side whatever happens.

i want to go to a place. a place where i can be free. a place where there are beautiful landscape and enchanting ocean. i want to be in a place where i could feel i am in a paradise. i want to go to a place where i can immerse myself with a different culture than mine.

i want to be with someone and go somewhere. just the two of us. just on that place.

just.... not today.

try

trying a new app for blogging. hoho.

and it works. yay! :)

the camera, the globe, and the wing

these past few days, i have been thinking of what do i really want to achieve in life. i have been working for 3 years and tried different jobs to gain experience. but after all that i did, i still felt like i am not progressing as much as i want to. at that moment, i thought i think i should rethink the career that i chose. i have been writing and editing for a living. yes, i can say that i have already improved a lot, or a little, but i am still not sure if this is the thing i want to do for the rest of my life.

as i was thinking my career path, i also questioned the things i want to achieve. i thought of what my dreams are. currently, my future is really really blurred.

last December 2013, i bought these three earplugs at Papemelroti. i bought them not because i want them for my phone, but to remind me of what my peg in life is. there were really cute earplugs on their catalog. but these three struck something in me and decided to get them.

the camera. the reason why i got this one is because i have been imagining myself of taking pictures as my work. when i had no work, i thought of selling pictures i took with my digital camera. the bokeh and light graffiti photos, and the ones i think look like a piece of art. i just don't know how i would sell them and if people would really buy them. when i got into in Instagram, i also thought of selling the photos i took using the app, but i hesitated again. i just love taking photos. and if i would have another job after writing, i really want to be a photographer.

the globe. for this one, i think i was influenced by my parents to travel. i want to travel and immerse myself with other cultures. i want to see things that i don't see everyday. my parents have invested to travel wonderful places inside and outside the country. i want to do that, too, in the future.

the wing. i picked this one because.... i want to spread my own wings and be free. i have been hiding what i truly am to people and i should show them what i really am. i want to quit hiding and just fly. i still cant do that today because i feel like i am not yet brave enough to do that.

these three earplugs are always in my bag. every time i see them, i am reminded of the things i want in life. i haven't fulfilled any of the goals i set for myself. but i wish to reach them in the near future. and i hope it comes soon.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

wall-e

The first time i watched this movie, i suddenly loved his "objective." he was just fixing garbage that were left in the city. he was diligent and focused on doing his only job; to organize the garbage. as he was organizing, he was also collecting rare items that he finds and keeps them at his home. he keeps them. his home is like a huge cabinet of items that reminded of what earth was like before. 

at that time, it struck me. i was like wall-e. i have been collecting items that could remind me of the memorable experiences that i had. that is why i collect key chains from the places i visit. i also pick pieces on the street, on the road, or just on my cabinet for me to keep.

it also made me realize why i am a hoarder. i hoard because i want to remember the things and to associate the things that i do with my collectibles. they already serve as part of me, so it's really hard for me to throw them away. 

i loved wall-e and i wouldn't mind watching it again and see myself collecting things that looked nothing but means something.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

this is the first time...

that our editor kind of got mad. 

so. uhm. i am kind of nervous. and scared.

so. yes.

a super random post

hello there. i just want to tell you that i am currently in the airport. me and my family will have a vacation overseas and i am kind of excited. although we've been to that place before and have blogged about it, i am still kind of excited.

maybe because it will be the first time that will be going to amusement parks located outside the country. that's exciting for me.

also, it's my first time to board at NAIA Terminal 1, since we always board at Terminal 2 or 3, Domestic Airport, or the one located at Clark.

so yeah. we are just going there for the amusement park and for the shopping. no sleeping the whole day. but that's fine.

so. uhm. yeah. that's it.

so yeah. we're going to Singapore and Malaysia again. hihi.

this has been such a random post and a non-sense one too. hohohohoho.

oh and yeah, i am blogging at the free internet station of the terminal one. hahaha.

so that's all. we will be boarding in a while so yes. byeuyarkuhsdlfndlasg :D

on spacing and punctuations

iwastalkingtoafriendofmineandwewerediscussingwhenpdffilesareconvertedtotextfilestheonessavedonnotepadareseenlikedthisnospacesnobreaksitsjustnonstopitiskindofhardtoreadbutiffinditactuallyfunandweird

butmoreimportantlyiwishedthaticanthinkofthingsnonstoplikeiwantohaveideasthatareoverflowingthaticouldjusttypethemallandnotstopwritingandnoteventhinkofputtingspacesandthinkingofwheretoputpunctuationmarkscozitskindofmakesyoustruggle

but, i guess that's reason why we should have enough space and punctuations.

so that we could actually understand what we want to know and see, and we could know where it will end and when it will continue on.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

i feel...

..so alone.

and desperate.

Well..

what has actually happened?


well. got too much work to do. that happened.

got too much church work to do. that happened.

my room turned in to a huge ball of dirt and mess. that literally happened.

got big eye bags, that normally happens.

feeling tired and burned out. currently happening.

what has not yet happened? getting rest.

oh yeah, i am back to my blog. that just happened. now.

:)

Hi!

Good day!

We have already received your request for a discount. We would like to inform you that We won't be able to give your request. It is because we have already given you lower rates compared to our other clients. Moreover, we got delayed in finishing the project because you kept on sending additional photos of your products as time goes by.

We hope for your eklavu chuvachenes chorvaness chararat. Salamat pows.

Nagmamahal,

Ate Charo

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)

Internet Connection Problem

now that i am working for a company that relies on the Internet, having a problem with the Internet connection will really put our work into delay. 

especially for my job. i always need to be online the moment i get into the office. my webmail must be online always. i always upload posts on FB fanpages and twitter. i also upload online ads, so i also need to be online on google adwords. what's even worse is i don't just handle one account. i handle so many accounts and i am only handling all of them alone. when i got hired, my boss gave me 8 accounts immediately, and it might turn to 11 before this month ends. 

i don't know. i should be crying right now with all the stress. i should be complaining about everything right now. well, i do get stressed, and i do complain sometimes. but, what's surprising is i am able to cope up with them. i guess, there'll be more to come in the future. i hope i'd be more prepared when that time comes, though.

but right now, what makes me frustrated is the Internet connection. since the first day of this month, we haven't had a fast connection. i hope before this month ends, we'll already have a good and fast Internet connection. and i also miss my office computer. 

oh well. i hope you're having a great day today.

hanggang sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)