here we go again.

night time. 11.00. already lying in the messy bed. he is embracing the blanket. stuff toys, a towel, some pair of pants and jackets scattered on the bed.

changes to fetal position. it was a hot night, he was sweating. he's eyes were teary. not sure if crying, or sleepy. he was wide awake. texting on his phone while waiting to fall asleep. imagining. thinking of several things. staring.

he closes his eyes..

"maybe, if i would not done that, im not thinking like this now. maybe, i would have been happier. i lied to people. i lied about myself. it's true. im a pathetic little attention whore. the truth is im just nothing. i lied almost about anything. because i wanted to be loved. i want to be a friend. i wanted to be.. a great person. but no. all lies. i am really weak. im really not great. im. just. ordinary. always having self-pity. low self-esteem. no confidence. scared to fail. afraid of getting backstabbed. but, i know, it is all my fault.. i lied too much. i was too much of a liar. it's bad. i know. i deceived people. they thought im smart.. im cool. but no. because i just made it up."

11.22pm. still awake. still thinking.

"i want to tell you. that i am very sorry.. i never passed that test. i never been in love truly. no one had gave back the affection that i showed. i just.. was lying around. but. i have told true things too.. and i want to be completely honest now. it's already new year. but. i know i have been bad. and im not that trustworthy.. i shall be okay if you'll hate me.. if you'll leave me alone. it's okay. it is a punishment for me i guess. i just.. want to blurt this out."

he opens his eyes. looked at the darkness. his stomach grows hungry. he decided to just lay down. and just watch how the light from his phone slightly brighten the dark room. he stopped and stared. he got teary eyed.. and fell asleep. innocence.


good night.

oh. yeah. happy valentine's.

Happy Valentine's. Yeah. I think that's the only thing that I can think of right now.

I have been too busy with work and other stuff that I have forgotten updating this little piece of my mind, which is the scene of the crime, which in my mind. Yes. unrelated thought is unrelated.

But. Yeah. I will try my very best to update my blog again. Do some more drafts. Then. Some. More. Things. And. Uh. Ahihi. Ha.

So Yeah. I am actually working right now. So. I must. Go. Now.

Awooo. Yes. This a non-sense post. Har.

Hanggang Sa muli, masugid na mambabasa. :)